Part of the conversation

I can't define my work. Lately I've been asked to define it on panels, during interviews, at introductions with important people or thinkers and I always fall short. How can one see inside like that? It feels strange to be asked to define myself. I can describe my interests sure, but doesn't definition come from others looking at your work? How can you be expected to describe "it"? To explain your process? That requires you to be thoroughly self aware, and I don't think I can be that way about my work. Half the time, I don't understand how it comes about.

My house got broken into this past week. They left a ramshackle mess of closet and drawers and cabinet content everywhere. My whole life in a messy art display splattered throughout my apartment. They left some creepy clues too, clues that I wont pay attention to. I won't. I have a new roommate because of this, and W should be moving back in August. Hopefully. After his Shakespeare gig. So I'll be fine. We're putting in a new security system, the landlord changed the locks, is putting bars... It's going to be a fortress here. I'll be fine.

But the hurdle made me stop and think. I literally locked myself in my back room for a few days and did a lot of thinking. And when I became tired of thinking about my safety and intruders and violation of space and all that, my thoughts wandered about to other things: My family; my car; my money; my debts; my Work. And the thoughts lingered there- but it's easier to linger there. And so I came up with some things...

I want to be part of the conversation.

Heck, sometimes I even want to start the conversation, or come smack in the middle and make things messy, but I never want to end it. I don't want to conclude anything. I don't have that conceit, to know how something ends, or to have the solution to anything.

That's what I came up with during my little trip inside.

Also, I realized I'm doing nothing new. Not in form or tone or theme. I'm not inventing or reinventing the wheel or anything like that. And that's OK. I mean it, that's OK. I'm not good with structure. I'm not an innovator of style. I'm not even saying anything new. And that's OK. It has to be OK. And I wont feel the pressure of people expecting me to define my gender and nationality and ethnicity and class in my work. I'll just be part of the conversation. Through the myopia of my two eyes. I only have two astigmatic eyes.

But they're just fine for the conversation.