This place is paradise!

First day in Ashland at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival and feeling super grateful to be in the midst of such natural beauty. 

My new Ñ Series

So I've started this reading series called The Ñ Series and we held the third reading on Monday, October 4th at the Victory Garden

s Biograph Theater which was a fantastic experience for our fledgling little group (which includes Jo Ann Flores-Deter, Ricardo Gutierrez and by long distance, Juan Villa) Historically, Victory Gardens has always been more than supportive when I've embarked on these type of endeavors. Back when I'd just started Teatro Luna, they (mostly Sandy Shinner) were the first ones to give me free space to have our first two Probaditas, because they'd hosted a read

ing of one of my very very first plays La Dueña, back in 1999. (You know, I don't even have a copy of that script anymore. I'm so dumb. I need to separate writer tantrum

s from good file keeping)

Anyway, Victory Gardens was amazing to

host the reading of blu by Virginia Grise. I must mention that Stefan Brun of Prop Thtr, was also unbelievably gracious to host our inaugural first two readings on the weekend of September 25-26, 2010 at his adorable space. (I love that space!) The Ñ doesn't have a permanent space so we couldn't do this without their generosity. Oh, speaking of generosity Jane Saks of The Ellen Stone Belic Institute for the Study of Women and Gender in the Arts and Media at Columbia College (whew, that's quite a title) was our benefactor for blu. She sponsored Virginia's travel and lodging and it made all the difference becaus

e we were able to have the playwright in the room wh

ile Marcela Muñoz (who is a directing goddess) directed a pretty talented cast which included Charin Alvarez, Remy Ortiz, Arthur Soria, Eddie Diaz and Irene Patino. It was the best of blessings and Vicki got introduced to Chicago. And because my beloved Yadi had a scheduling conflicted, I got reintroduced to the stage when I had to take on the role of Hailstorm in the reading... which was a challenge to say the least. But it was fun gett

ing to don the chola gear.

Here's a little bit about T

he Ñ Series:

The Ñ Series was conceived to offer a creative forum for Latino-identified artists in a safe “amongst family” setting. It is dedicated to providing opportunities for playwrights from around the country and abroad by pairing them with Chicago-area directors of Latino/a descent. In the coming years, the hope is that this endeavor grows to serve as a fertile ground and exploratory space, as well as an eventual showcase for both emerging and established Latino/a artists which will include presentations, professional workshops, webcast panels and community discussions. The Ñ pairs up with generous collaborators such as Prop Thtr, Victory Gardens and The Institute for the Study of Gender and Women in the Arts and Media, to bring you the latest work by Latino Theater Artists.

Another Go

So I've never taken this blogging thing seriously.

I never update this thing.

I just don't want to be held accountable in the future for what I might have thought on one particular day in the past, you know? Mood and hormones and recent experience and consequence and- oh, I don't know- the alignment of the stars have so much to do with how I feel at any particular moment that I've always thought "why define myself in black and white only to contradict and confuse a moment later?"

But I do chronicle short blog entries on Facebook and Twitter, right? (I've even been accused of over sharing) So why not start a blog? Or rather, why not keep up with this blog which I started so long ago?

I think I need to figure out how to customize this blog experience to my method of diffusion and communication. I think that's the trick. Use it how I use Facebook sort of...Like sometimes I need to recommend a singularly good performance or artist, or event and maybe that's how I can utilize this medium. Personally, I do like to see photographer and designer process blogs so maybe eventually, when I'm back in rehearsal, we can have some of that.

Alright, so here's me giving this another try.

90 SECOND WRITING PROMPT: I would rather...

The one thing I would rather be doing right now, instead of...

Madrina

Today I wanted to call Malik.

I haven't wanted to contact him this whole year...this whole year and some. I just know that we shouldn't talk yet. But today... today I was overwhelmed with the need to call him. When I got broken into a couple of weeks ago, I had a passing wave of this similar feeling but then with all the amazing support pouring in from everywhere, from my friends- it went away. But today, when I opened that door, the wave became a tsunami and I'm still trying to sort it out. Sort myself out. Maybe it's about closing loops and ending chapters or something.

I was lying in bed. Twittering. Facebooking. (so silly) And the doorbell rang. I'm in leggings, mismatching robe, fury slippers. I put my rat's nest hair up in a pony tail. I open the door and it's two young black men. One about 6 feet tall, the other one wearing a doo-rag. Both very young. Very young. I'm confused. I say, "I think you want the upstairs apartment?" But the tall one with the big smile says, "It's me, Godmother. It's Martisse." My mouth was a big Chicago pothole. I couldn't close it. Even when I let them in and started nervously talking I couldn't default my mouth to a close. Last time I saw this person...he was a kid. Like a kid!

Martisse and Lynelle were two little kids that used to live down the street from me when Malik and I lived together. They would come say hello after school every day and we'd give them candy or whatever. Talk to them. Ask them about school. Malik might have helped them with their math homework a time or two. One day, I came home to Malik and his friend Brandon sitting on the sofa, Bull's game on, pizza on the floor... and Martisse asleep on our other couch under the covers. "Why is there a child in our house this late at night?" "He needed somewhere to be," Malik answered. Martisse's mom had been taken away or something like that, I dont' really remember the story but Martisse had no where to go. He was 7. And now he was here at my door, 14 or so, over 6 foot tall and all I could do was think of Malik. We had so many conversations about Martisse and Lynelle and what we could do. What we should do. What we shouldn't do. How to help.

"Godmother" said Martisse. Godmother?

Pothole mouth.

"I told my friend I'd been wanting to visit my Godmother and so we walked here from Humbolt Park to see you." It was 9am in the morning. It was a strange and unexpected visit. But it was welcomed. His friend was very nice. I gave him Oscar Wao. He said he liked reading so I had Martisse get it from my car. Mentioned that he'd read Mango Street last. I smiled. I said, "You like Mango Street? You're going to be my dates to a special thing in October, OK?" We talked. Caught up. I kept saying, "Martisse, you're so big. You were this small last I saw you. You're so big." My pothole stating the obvious. I just wasn't prepared this morning. Not for this grown Martisse. Not for the tick of time that has passed between what was Malik and I to just me. Now it's just me. And Martisse's 6 feet are a measure of that.

I said, "Put my number in your phone. My email too. Call me if you need anything. Anything, you hear?" We hugged and I let them out and as he's leaving he goes to his friend, "I told you my Godmother was cool."

I want to cry.

Part of the conversation

I can't define my work. Lately I've been asked to define it on panels, during interviews, at introductions with important people or thinkers and I always fall short. How can one see inside like that? It feels strange to be asked to define myself. I can describe my interests sure, but doesn't definition come from others looking at your work? How can you be expected to describe "it"? To explain your process? That requires you to be thoroughly self aware, and I don't think I can be that way about my work. Half the time, I don't understand how it comes about.

My house got broken into this past week. They left a ramshackle mess of closet and drawers and cabinet content everywhere. My whole life in a messy art display splattered throughout my apartment. They left some creepy clues too, clues that I wont pay attention to. I won't. I have a new roommate because of this, and W should be moving back in August. Hopefully. After his Shakespeare gig. So I'll be fine. We're putting in a new security system, the landlord changed the locks, is putting bars... It's going to be a fortress here. I'll be fine.

But the hurdle made me stop and think. I literally locked myself in my back room for a few days and did a lot of thinking. And when I became tired of thinking about my safety and intruders and violation of space and all that, my thoughts wandered about to other things: My family; my car; my money; my debts; my Work. And the thoughts lingered there- but it's easier to linger there. And so I came up with some things...

I want to be part of the conversation.

Heck, sometimes I even want to start the conversation, or come smack in the middle and make things messy, but I never want to end it. I don't want to conclude anything. I don't have that conceit, to know how something ends, or to have the solution to anything.

That's what I came up with during my little trip inside.

Also, I realized I'm doing nothing new. Not in form or tone or theme. I'm not inventing or reinventing the wheel or anything like that. And that's OK. I mean it, that's OK. I'm not good with structure. I'm not an innovator of style. I'm not even saying anything new. And that's OK. It has to be OK. And I wont feel the pressure of people expecting me to define my gender and nationality and ethnicity and class in my work. I'll just be part of the conversation. Through the myopia of my two eyes. I only have two astigmatic eyes.

But they're just fine for the conversation.

I think I'm way in over my head

I think I bit off more than I could chewthis season. I think I got my hand in too many pots and pans. My agent at Mark at Bret Adams told me in the spring that rewrites get productions and I think I know what he means now. I had never given rewrites the attention they deserve, but I see what he means now. Rewrites are hard. And you know what's hard? Being in the show you're codirecting and producing, while you're still trying to do rewrites. I feel a little bit like Sybil with all the personalities. I don't think I thought things through before embarking on this little adventure. It's going to be alright though. I know it. The Lunaticas are so patient an amazing; I wouldn't be able to do it without them. It's also hard that this part I'm playing wasn't written for me, but for another lovely Lunatica who couldn't do it after all.

Anyway, now I'm just complaining aren't I? I need to go learn lines.